This doesn’t look good, not good at all. But what do I do? How do I cultivate genuine, earnest love and get that love to replace my total absorption in myself and my projects?

Maybe 10 years ago, my answer would have been “work harder at loving God”. A couple years ago, it would have been “delve deeply into His love for me”. These are both true and important answers. But what God’s been convicting me about recently is to practice love, starting with the simple and tangible: the people around me. This is in line with what John says, “he who doesn’t love his brother, whom he has seen, can’t love God, whom he hasn’t seen” (1 John 4:20, ESV).

A practical starting place, washing people’s feet, happened to be in my reading this morning (I know, blind luck and random chance . What’s even more perfect is that the big contrast Jesus uses in the passage (John 13:12-14) is between his role (leader) and his actions (servant).

When I think about my relationships with people – my wife, son, office manager, ministry partners, co-workers – with almost everyone, I’m either officially a leader or unofficially acting as one.

I try to serve by giving direction and leadership, and by making sure everyone’s needs are met, but this is light-years away from the grungy and totally unnecessary service that Jesus does here.

When I finally do ask them questions, think about them or pray for them, it’s always about how they relate to me and my goals. It’s long-past time for me to practice caring about what’s important to them and then asking, thinking & praying about them as it relates to that.

A poor farm boy's "as you wish" means "I love you" — and she truly loved him back. Image is ™, ©, and ® of 20th Century Fox

You truly love each other
and so you might have been truly happy
not one couple in a century has that chance
no matter what the storybooks say
— Prince Humperdink, The Princess Bride

The Princess Bride has masterful storytelling and some of the most endearing characters to light the screen, but what is its message? True Love defeats all odds and makes us happy. It seems innocent — almost Biblical! But “True Love” is entirely different from 1 Corinthians 13. It is, most emphatically, romantic love — and romantic love alone — not God’s love. And not just any romantic love, but only “True Love”, which is extremely rare.

True Love: A character trait or a god? At first blush, you might think it’s loving someone “against all odds”, in spite of difficulties and challenges. There are hints of this when Wesley questions Buttercup’s faithfulness, but look more closely. Her fault wasn’t that she was unfaithful, but — at the core — that she gave up hope in True Love. She didn’t trust True Love to overcome his apparent death at sea. Apparently, True Love is a powerful force outside of ourselves which deserves our trust.

True Love: A choice or a chance? True Love is not something that happens by an individual’s choice, it happens by chance. As Wesley says, “This is True Love. Do you think this happens every day?” And, as Humperdink says, “not one couple in a century” has the chance of both having True Love for their partner.

True Love: A New Hope? What’s more disturbing than Hollywood producing movies with such a distorted view of love is that they do it because of market demand — teen demand. Teenagers want something to hope for. They want to believe that they will find True Love and that it will bring them happiness and fulfillment in this life. While my tendency is to hope in ministry projects to bring me fulfillment, teens hope in Love — but both are wrong and foolish. And so is the old-school Jane Austen dream of “marital happiness”, which is really just True Love within the bounds of a covenant-promise.

As we will see in Peter’s second letter, the only real Hope for fulfillment and happiness is Jesus’ Coming. Sure, we have foretastes (Jesus’ followers have already entered into “eternal life”), but these are miniscule next to the flood of ecstasy in His Presence and Kingdom. This is what the apostles and 1st century Christians hoped for, filled with anticipation and an I-can’t-wait attitude. Any other hope will not only disappoint, but worse, it will rob us of joy, expectation, and kingdom-mindedness.

When I finally kneel before my Master, all the anxieties that consumed my mind will fade into a far distant second priority. What will matter on that day? I usually think of my work for Him — whether He will say “well done” and whether I will have faithfully made disciples.

But this morning, as I contemplated the silence and slow-motion of actually kneeling before Jesus, the words “will the Son of Man find faith on the earth” echoed in my mind and I saw from an entirely different perspective. What if He cares more about my love than my works? I fear that what He said of the Christians in the city of Ephesus rings true of me:

You don’t love me like you used to

As I’ve grown in experience and busyness, I’ve decreased in “child-like faith”. Often I’ve prayed into the air instead of pleading with someone and expecting Him to answer. Often I’ve taken burdens upon myself that I should’ve placed at His feet. Often I’ve sought understanding and effective ministry instead of seeking communion with Jesus.

Faith enables affections for our Master, because it is through the eyes of faith that we see Him. Peter makes the connection between love and faith:

You love Him, although you have not seen Him, and you believe in Him, although you do not now see him.

Faith is being sure about what we can’t see — including what our Master is like and the depth of His concern and devotion for me. Paul places a huge emphasis on this when he prays that the Ephesians would grasp how broad and long, and high and deep, is Jesus’ love.

The key to Christian living isn’t just increasing my love for Him. This kind of thinking (which I’m accustomed to) leads to self-reliance, pride and (ultimately) failure. The key is increasing faith in His love for me, His power in me and in my own weakness, which works itself out in “walking in the Spirit”: submitting to the Holy Spirit’s leading and convictions, minute-by-minute and day-by-day.

But perhaps it’s more than that. Perhaps it’s more than continual prayer for strength and leading, perhaps it’s more than continual reliance on Him. Perhaps a big part of the issue is to have Christ-centered prayer rather than life-centered prayer. What would it look like if you and I were consumed with Jesus instead of consumed with our lives?